Velociworld

WHY I WAS NEVER A BOY SCOUT

Way back when in Guyton, when I was a Cub Scout, I was really excited when I was old enough to become a Boy Scout. I never did, because the older boys told me the initiation was to have the scoutmaster, Lonnie Nease, suck my willie. Now, those boys could have been kidding, but the way they described their own initiations sounded a little too real to me.

For the record, Lonnie was married with two pretty high school daughters, and owned the nice gas station in town. Stranger things have happened, though. I know. I've seen them.

And consider: my old man never patronized Lonnie's nice service station. He always went to Mack's Grease Pit 'n' Fule around the corner, he of the enormous rupture. So maybe dad knew something about Lonnie, or maybe he just liked to freak my sisters out by making them look at Mack's sweetmeats engorging his nutsack while he gassed our car.

You could never be too sure with the old man.