October 31, 2003
HOW MANY MUNCHINS
can dance on the head of a pin? I have no idea. I CAN tell you how many munchins can show up at my door on Halloween. Six. That's it. Six. I live in a nice, kid friendly, everybody pretty much knows everybody neighborhood, and six kids show up.
Why? I was ready, with bowls full of sugary goodness. A tastefully scary front porch, with no real spiders in evidence, just a coupla fuzzy ones. Why? These are my fucking NEIGHBORS!
Not that I've ever let that stop me from castigating THEM. But AHEM. That has nothing to do with this.
Here's the drill: Mommies today are anal retentive fuckheads who will drive their kids from one door to the next, and only let their little munchkins ring the doorbells of people they know, and who've been personally vetted by that guy down the street who swears he's ex-CIA and will cover their kids' ass. When they DO let their precious cargo approach your door they're RIGHT BEHIND THEM! SOMETIMES IN FRONT OF THEM! And suspicious of you. For no reason, other than the fact they've already been rifling your mailbox, and know you get National Review. I've NEVER seen this kind of paranoia, ever. Freaks.
I'm so disappointed. Soccer moms killing their kids' good times. When I was six I was allowed to roam my neighborhood at will, and chase my older brother, and vomit my spaghetti if I ran too fast, and get the literal crap scared out of me by homeowners dressed as gorillas. That type of behavior on the part of a homeowner will get you a lawsuit or a macing now.
It has to suck to be a kid today. Halloweenie.
I've experienced the drive-by halloweening in past years and I hate it. They're also the same kids that don't say thanks. Usually we get four or five kids from our own neighborhood and a van of kids from some other, which is equally frustrating. This year was the exception. In our six years of living here we've never experienced the crowd as we have this year. And, for once, the parents in our cul de sac were hanging out in our driveways, enjoying the pleasant evening. It was almost like days of old for me. Maybe I was just living through the eyes of my own as she enjoyed her first. Either way, it was good for once. And that's a lot coming from me as I typically hate halloween.
Posted by: Jeff at November 1, 2003 12:05 AMI'd trick or treat ya if I could. Mostly treat ya.
We had TWO kids show up here.
Posted by: Da Goddess at November 1, 2003 12:20 AMIn my old neighborhood, I opened the door once while yelling "Boo!"
I thought the soccer mom was gonna punch me in the face... but her precious cherub just kicked me in the shin and took a double handful before she ran.
You should just send that candy on over to my house. I'll keep it, um, safe.
As for me, I take my kid trick or treating in San Marco, the area I grew up in. It's a nice way to keep in touch with the neighbors, and they give out good candy. I remember the good old days of trick or treating, and I wish people were like that. That whole razor blade in the apple thing? Never happened.
Posted by: Annessa at November 1, 2003 2:17 AMWent thru that for 12 yrs. Because we were considered "from away" for 12 YEARS!! Use to break my heart, only because we had to eat that candy way into Valentine's Day. :)
Posted by: Laura at November 1, 2003 5:20 AMYep. Only had 3 small groups, all accompanied by moms giving me the fisheye, sucking the fun out of everything.
I have so much candy left over... Well, I fear for my well-being now, and that's the true horror of a modern Halloween.
Posted by: pam at November 1, 2003 7:47 AMA black kid came to my door, holding a fried chicken leg in one hand, and his candy bag in the other, and muffled "Trick or Treat!" through a mouthful of dark meat.
Later, I found the chicken bone tossed carelessly onto my front porch.
Am I a racist?
Posted by: Jack Straw at November 2, 2003 8:07 AMIt sure has changed. Granted it was better than 30 *cough* *cough* years ago since my brother and I (and assorted friends) made the rounds of our neighborhood. But we had Fun! Used to play kick the can on warm summer nights too. Now it seems everyone is worried about the crazies you see on the news. (Yes, there are preditors out there, as there has always been....and in greater numbers than ever before...but I wonder if the *percentage* has actually gone up or not)
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