Velociworld

WOMEN OVER 60 I WOULD DO

Hey. I know it's a short list, but I think it's important that men acknowledge the fact that mature women can be sexy. I'm all over the Older Woman-Younger Guy Paradigm, okay? So let us begin:

Shirley Jones.

Okay, so it's a really short list. Let's try again:

Barbara Walters. Yeah, she chaps my ass too, but I'm thinking a little wine, a little duct tape, we have a score here.

How old is Mary Tyler Moore? Over 60, for sure. On the list.

Rhoda Morganstern Valerie Harper? On the list.

Sophia Loren? Hell, she might be on the over seventy list, I'm not sure. Pencil her in.

Brigitte Bardot? Off the list. She spent the last thirty years baking in the sun and castrating donkeys. A Burnt Case. Off the list. And that pains me.

Raquel Welch. On The List. Excuse me while I punt. There. I'm better now.

Barbara Bush. Kiss my ass. Everyone has a deep dark secret. That's mine. Can we Move On?

Joan Collins. Done. And done again.

You realize at this point I was thinking counting on one hand. Now I'm counting on my toes. I can't believe there are that many sexy women over sixty. But that's because I'm an idiot. Let's move on:

Barbara Stanwyck. Okay, so she's been dead for 13 years. It's a FANTASY, people. Did you ever see the Big Valley episode where the Other Woman wanted Babs' ranch, and kidnapped her and held her in a cave and bullwhipped her? No? You sad fuck. Let's move on.

Julie Andrews. Oh. My. God.

I posit the theory that Julie flashing her beautiful breasts in 1981's S.O.B. was far more risque than anything Tarantino has ever done. THAT was a 46 year-old Julie, and a huge stretch for her husband Blake Edwards, who directed the film.

Julie is On The List.

This is getting old, actually. Tell me YOUR fantasies of the over sixty crowd. Ladies?