Velociworld

THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY

The misanthropic Ambrose Bierce finally published his entire Dictionary in 1911, after 20 years of occasional newspaper entries. Then, in his seventies, he went off to ride with Pancho Villa. He did in the twilight of his career what Hunter S. Thompson did in the beginning of his: sought out the most dangerous outlaws in the West and hung out with them. When the Hell's Angels got tired of Thompson they stomped him; when the banditos got tired of Bierce they shot him.

Some of my favorite Dictionary entries:

CANNIBAL, n.
A gastronome of the old school who preserves the simple tastes and adheres to the natural diet of the pre-pork period.

CIRCUS, n.
A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

DEBAUCHEE, n.
One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has had the misfortune to overtake it.

EXTINCTION, n.
The raw material out of which theology created the future state.

HAPPINESS, n.
An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

The most un-PC, and prescient of Bierce's entries?

AFRICAN, n.
A nigger that votes our way.

Now, Bierce wasn't being racist here. Hell, he hated everybody. He was making the point I've made myself, that a lot of the people who effuse over blacks for their votes secretly hold them in contempt. A lot of Southern Democrats are still that way.

John Derbyshire has an updated version in the new National Review. A couple of examples:

ARAB STREET, THE, n.
The cab driver who took your correspondent from Amman airport to the Hilton Hotel.

PARTNER, n.
Husband, wife, lover, mistress, catamite, or "participating" pet.

A pretty good effort by the Derb. He's not Bierce, but who is?

Posted by Kim Crawford at September 27, 2003 8:25 PM