September 25, 2003
WHACK-A-MOLE
No, I mean literally. In addition to my other lawn woes (which are healing nicely) I have a scabby-assed mole working his way down my driveway edge.
I've given my twenty-two pound cat three days to take out the kufr. He has returned with two baby water moccasins. Which makes me think: why the hell are the cottonmouths so small this time of year? Are they having two litters a season?
It is not to be helped. The cat is off the job. He had his chance. Now it's up to me and my six inch Buck knife, with blood groove. All it takes is a little patience. You can actually see the dirt mound move when a mole gets frisky. Then, ooohhh...unnngh. Remember the German pushing the knife in in Saving Private Ryan? Sssshh, I say. Sssshh.
The only down side is he's under the dirt, and you can't see the look in his beady little rodent eyes when he buys the farm.
Fuck moles. And fuck Tony Randall.
Caddyshack.
Posted by: sama at September 26, 2003 12:01 AMUh, Kim, what does moles and Tony Randall have in common?
Posted by: Laura at September 26, 2003 3:19 AMI've got tons of the bastards. So far this year, I have paid a local exterminator $300.00 for 7 dead moles, and as of yesterday my yard suddenly has, again, the cartoon appearance of convicts tunneling, badly, to freedom.
My neaighbors have used a mixture of urine, castor oil, and dishwashing detergent to create a mixture that apparently is anathema to moles. Since I don't have the stomach for this kind of Benjamin Franklin common snese remedy, they all have moved over into my yard, where they breed faster than they can be caught and executed.
Our newest cat Max, who I picked up behind radio station WYSC in McRae Georgia, is a mole assasin. He's black, stealthy, and always leaves them in front of my neighbor's house as a cheeky trademark. He's available for a price.
Posted by: rankin rob at September 26, 2003 3:27 PMRent a dog for the weekend.
We're borrowing our neighbor's Husky for the weekend. - letting her loose in the yard. All moles should be dead by Sunday night. All I have to do is clean up the dog crap.
Also, use extra "anti-grub" stuff on your lawn next year. Moles love to eat grubs.
Posted by: Timbo at September 26, 2003 4:07 PMHEY - YOU KNOW, THERE'S A GUY, WHO USED TO BE ON RADIO AT ONE TIME - HE HAD A RECEIPE, REMEDY AND CURE FOR EVERYTHING FROM RINGWORM TO DANDRUFF TO WEEVILS TO CHINCHBUG - AND EVERYTHING, ABSOLUTELY, EVERYTHING INCLUDED, ONE PART HUMAN URINE - HE GUARANTEED THEY WERE ALL FOOLPROOF - AND SO DID EVERYONE WHO TRIED IT AND CALL IN - JUST AN IDEA..............
Posted by: CAPITAL A at September 26, 2003 5:02 PMHey Capital A - I've heard that guy. He's on am radio here on Saturday mornings. Even his love oils are supposed to contain at least one part urine.
Posted by: Jack Straw at September 26, 2003 7:00 PMIt's okay! I Steamboat Willie'd his ass (Steamboat being the German soldier in Private Ryan). Didn't use the Buck knife, either. Used the old man's trench knife from WWII for the karma. Felt good, too.
Posted by: Kim at September 26, 2003 8:03 PMShhh......I'm still working on the Tony Randall thing.
Posted by: Da Goddess at September 26, 2003 10:46 PMSomebody Steamboat Wiilie Tony Randall.
Posted by: Jack Straw at September 27, 2003 6:32 AM???i dont get it...is this a novel or just a place where u write whatever u want to and others post their comments?oh well...kool site!
Posted by: kenni at January 13, 2005 6:48 AM