Velociworld

MONKEYSHIT

By now you're probably familiar with the study at the Yerkes Primate Center at Emory. To wit,

The team taught brown capuchin monkeys (Cebus apella) to swap tokens for food. Normally, capuchins were happy to exchange their tokens for cucumber. But if they saw their partner getting a grape - which is more coveted by capuchins - they took offence.

Some refused to play, others took the cucumber but refused to eat it. The animal's umbrage was even greater if the other monkey was rewarded for doing nothing. They did more than sulk, sometimes throwing the food out of their cage.

So far, no problem. I did the same thing around the dinner table as a kid. But here's where it gets squirrelly: The researchers claim this demonstrates a sense of justice and fairness is hardwired in primates, which explains our sense of injustice at the more economically advantaged:

The idea of fair play and justice was probably invented by monkeys 40 million years ago...

And that's why monkeys and union activists share a common trait - both are prepared to go on strike for equal pay.

In the first experimental demonstration of its kind, scientists have shown how capuchin monkeys get annoyed when they fail to get a fair deal, and will down tools if they see another capuchin get paid more for the same job.

Researchers have long recognised the sense of fairness within the human species, and a propensity to go on strike.

But this is the first study to confirm this trait in non-human primates - brown capuchin monkeys - and the first to show animals are capable of recognising unfairness...
These emotional reactions are akin to those which underpin economics. "The sense of fairness underpins co-operation and other economic decisions in humans," she said.

Excuse me, Aunt Bee, but what a crock of shit. Those monkeys weren't outraged at the injustice of the situation. They were jealous, envious, greedy little fuckers. As long as their neighbor was getting the same deal, they were okay. As soon as their neighbor got a better deal the bile rose in their furry little throats.

They were practicing the politics of envy, just like a liberal. See, screeching and crying and slinging your shit is what animals do when they don't get their way. We're supposed to rise above that sort of behavior. What these simian shits were doing was merely a more sophisticated version of two hyenas snapping at each other over a choice piece of carrion. That's all. Hell, jackals have been known to eat so far into the side of a dead elephant they're too fat to back out. An animal will eat till it pukes.

Those monkeys weren't pissed the other monkey was getting grapes; they were pissed because nobody told them there were grapes to be had! Fuck that! Grapes! I want some!

I don't see any sense of fair play. If the monkey with the grapes shares them with the monkey with the cucumber, THAT'S FAIR PLAY. These asswipes completely missed the point.

Greedy little monkeys. I hope when Yerkes finished with them they shipped their asses to Ft. Detrick for some Ebola experiments.

Posted by Kim Crawford at September 18, 2003 5:50 PM