Velociworld

TUCO'S CRIMES

Yeah, I know I border on obsession with The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly on this site, but so what? At least I'm fixating on a film Kurosawa would have given both nuts to make. That means something, I think; and whoever mentions three guys in a three-way with their six-inchers in their hands is gonna be banned from here with extreme prejudice.

The question? Ah, yes. How many crimes was Tuco convicted of? Hard to say. The first hanging is pretty straightforward:

"Wanted in fourteen counties of this State, the condemned is found guilty of murder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks, and post offices; the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, selling stolen goods, passing counterfeit money, and contrary to the laws of this State the condemned is guilty of using marked cards and loaded dice..."

The next hanging is problematic because there are several conversations going on in the foreground; the litany of crimes is very indistinct in the background. What I hear?

"Wanted in fifteen counties, standing before us, ah, sitting before us, Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez, has been found guilty by the District Circuit Court of the following crimes: murder, assaulting a Justice of the Peace, raping a virgin of the white race, statutory rape of a minor of the black race, derailing a train in order to rob the passengers, ... robbery, highway robbery, robbing an unknown number of post offices, breaking out of a ..., counterfeiting and passing counterfeit money, and the accused... promoting prostitution ...high places of authority... illegal postal pick up... intention of selling black fugitive slaves... the sheriff in Sonora... hired himself out as guide on a wagon train, after receiving his payment in advance, he deserted the wagon train in the hunting grounds of the Sioux Indians... misrepresenting himself as a Mexican general in order to receive a salary and living allowance from the Union Army..."

That's all I can catch. The ellipses represent garbled crimes, but with Leone dead I'll have to find a script.

Or a life. The latter would be easier, eh what?

Posted by Kim Crawford at September 17, 2003 7:57 PM