September 5, 2003
I SEE STUPID PEOPLE
Where do I see them? At work, all the time. And what is their common demographic? THEY'RE ALL WOMEN!!!
Listen up. Before you sic Kate Michelman on me (hey, for a middle-aged les, I think I might do Kate) hear me out:
I work around a LOT of women. Smart, intelligent, dedicated women, for the most part. Some have graduate degrees, some are GED's. Young, old. The whole distaff demographic. So why are they stupid? Because they spend all of their productive hours fighting each other. Undermining each other. Bitching about each other. Fucking each other over. NOT PLAYING WELL WITH OTHERS. This is kindergarten training they're lacking. They are their own worst enemies. It blows my mind. It honestly blows my fucking mind. I see women self-destruct on a regular and consistent basis. And not just at this job. I've seen it for twenty years. Why?
Well, if I could bottle that, and throw in a piece of pickled okra and a couple of hot peppers I'd have something, wouldn't I? Well, I don't. But I do have some observations, or theories, to the scientific-method inclined.
Women simply don't know how to behave in adult company. Everything is still high school or middle school to them. Only now it's not boys, it's job, or game. How else do you explain why they don't rally 'round the sisterhood and Attempt To Advance in the Corporate World? It's insane. We currently have two females at levels above middle management in my division. Want to know their secret? Simple. They show up for work, perform their job professionally, keep their mouths shut if they don't have anything pertinent to say, and stay the hell out of the gossip rings. Surprise: That's how men advance as well. And, yes, men certainly perform these functions with wildly fluctuating levels of success as well. There are guys who are complete fucktards, and always will be. But not 90% of them!
Now, before the Sisters of Sappho disembowel me, remember: I'm on your side. I want women to succeed. These are smart people I'm talking about. Many with brilliant ideas and great work ethic. But they get derailed cat-fighting and fucking each other over. It drives me crazy.
I had a theory, once : women think there are only a few jobs that The Man is going to allow females to take, and then only for quota's sake. And that may be true. It is, in fact, most certainly true. Well, let me tell you two things: Number One: there are only a few jobs cracker-assed motherfuckers like me can get, too. I'm no corporate officer, although I play one in the shower. Number Two: remember the two women I said DID have Senior Management jobs? Remember what I said their work ethic was? Do The Job. Show Respect to Your Coworkers. And for God's sake shut the fuck up about how it's too hot or too cold in here! Step away from the thermostat, bitch! You should have sweat burning your eyeballs before you EVER EVER admit to a man that it's 1.5% degrees Fahrenheit off your optimal comfy zone. Don't you get it? Nobody wants to hear that shit. Shut The Fuck Up!
Which reminds me: lay off the e-mails about how you're going to Clean The Refrigerator Out On Friday. We Don't Care! Guys don't leave their putrid leftovers in the fridge, anyway. The only purpose a fridge at work serves is to put a bottle of vodka in the freezer, and they've taken that away! Quit trying to doily the work environment. I don't want to have an ice-cream social on Friday. I don't want a Jeans Day on Friday. Quit soliciting money off me. And quit telling me about how the other girl doesn't do her job, because you know what? YOU DON'T EITHER! And when it's Bloody Friday I'm going to keep the poor slacker who didn't throw their coworker under the bus and shitcan your devious ass. Get a clue.
You women are smart. Start acting like it.
Well said my friend. Without sounding like a total traitor to my female people and all, but women get on my fucking nerves. I can't stand the whiney, backstabbing ones. Tis why I have more guy friends than girls.
Posted by: Gennie at September 5, 2003 10:39 PMYou're probably right. The numbers are inverse for men. Think about it. Men keep their mouths shut, and save the gossip until by weight it becomes something more, such as Incompetence or Disloyalty. Then they take it straight to the top and get the son-of-a-bitch Fired.
Men stick the shiv in the back deliberately but quickly. Women talk about it but don't really want to do anything about it because that would deprive them of their primary entertainment.
A man shows up, does his job and gets the fuck out of there for a cold one.
A women shows up, stirs up the shit, and then goes home and makes her poor fucking husband listen to it all over again.
It's what they live for.
It's why they don't belong in the ___-______ military.
Good to see you blogging again.
When I started working out of college, I worked for a big six auditing firm, and I saw a large number of companies. The worst were the small town banks, because their back offices were dominated by the catty women you describe. It was horrendous.
I went to all guys Catholic high-school, and I can tell you from my experience there, that single sex environments bring out the worst in people. I could tell you stories, but I should probably reserve those for my own blog. Suffice it to say you're right on all counts.
Posted by: sama at September 5, 2003 10:55 PMNOW you know one of the main reasons why I am blissfully happy working at home in my fuzzy slippers.
You are exactly right, and the last time I checked, I'm a woman and I'm not ready to disembowel you. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it doesn't make it any less correct.
Posted by: margi at September 6, 2003 12:03 AMI supervise 23 people at a university - 21 of them are female. Your message is 100% right on!
Dartman
Posted by: Dartman at September 6, 2003 9:39 PMUm......I'm a woman, but I sure do know what you're talking about - I can't STAND women that act like idiots, which is just about all of them......
Posted by: Suze at September 6, 2003 9:44 PMYes, I see where you're coming from. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), I don't have that problem, since I'm in a dead-end job anyway. There's nowhere I could ascend to so I stay where I am (legal secretary). Become a lawyer? Nah. I've seen the boss's job. No thanks!
And they do whine about it being too hot, too cold, etc. Thin things. To them I say, go eat a donut. Get you some fat layers. Do you here me bellyaching about being too cold? Nope.
I do beg to differ about the kitchen mess. Only a MAN would dance into the kitchen, fill his cup, and then DANCE AWAY, leaving that thimbleful of coffee on the burner to melt and burn. (C'mon, now. We all know what REALLY happened at Chernobyl.)
Posted by: Joni at September 6, 2003 10:33 PMThe "glass ceiling" thing is a myth. The majority of women do not want equality -- they want an easy ride. The average male manager/executive starts early, stays late, and seldom looks up from the task at hand until he discovers that he is not actually sure if he can pick his kids out of a lineup and his stay-at-home wife has booted him out because he isn't home enough. The average female manager/executive tries unsuccessfully to divide her time between home and work -- in that order -- then is outraged when the guy (a guy who is wondering if it is one child or two, and which one, if any, is leaving for college tomorrow) is promoted over her. The few women who sacrifice their personal lives to be successful in their chosen profession are then looked upon with condescension and pity because they did not buy into the ludicrous "I can have it all" mentality.
Posted by: Ally at September 7, 2003 1:55 AMI agree that women can be petty, backstabbing little bitches. I like working in a field where there are few women and I can get along with my male coworkers by working with them to get the work done and leaving all the bullshit behind.
However, I don't have any ulterior motives such as "take the easy ride to the top". I want to do my job the same as men do theirs, without melodrama and without whining about not getting special treatment because I am a woman.
Where I work, all that begging and complaining goes both ways. I wish I had a dime for every time a man said, "It's too hot in here". And men are the ones who walk by my cubicle and ask me to throw out some cash for their child's whatever-a-thon.
The best thing in the world about working with men is that I could wear navy blue and black together and wear an outfit from 1982 and not a single one of them would notice. Women spend 50% of their salary (which is 33% below the man working next to them in the same job level) on ridiculous purple feathery purses and $85 shirts taht are so trendy they will only wear them twice. Now THAT is STUPID.
I work with women and they are all friendly and we work in co-operation. Women are capable of seeing the bigger picture and working together for the greater good.
Posted by: Rachel at October 1, 2003 3:36 AMI agree, Gay men are really easy to get along with. I'm gay and everyone love me at the office
Posted by: Jerry at October 6, 2003 6:52 PMI like my bitches thick. only a black man can handle thick women. Thick women is somthing white boyz dont know nothing bout. I love a big huge ass. Halla back
Posted by: June bug at October 6, 2003 6:58 PMAMEN! I just wish there were more WOMEN who would make such statements ...
Posted by: Cathy Brooks at December 2, 2004 4:26 PMi work in a bar, i see stupid men everywhere i look. maybe your just working in the wrong place.
Posted by: jen at August 12, 2005 3:38 PM