August 19, 2003
JIMMY SMITH, COKE FIEND
So our 5 time Pro-Bowl receiver gets busted by the NFL for cocainum. Big surprise there. When he tested positive two years ago after a traffic stop he cried and whined that the test was faulty, and everyone rallied 'round, and gave him a shoulder to cry on. Fuck him, the huffing cocksucker.
Now he's banned for the first 4 games of the season. That's the first quarter of the season. This is why I cannot stand professional sports. I'll be damned if I'm going to invest one penny of emotional capital in a bunch of dope-addled freaks. And I pity the fool who does.
Oh, I follow sports. In my job I have to. When I see customers in New York I better damned well know how many games ahead the Yankees are on the Sox. And I have kowtowed in Chicago to the fucking thugs called the Bulls. But emotionally? No sir. The very thought of wearing a jersey to a game with some other asswipe's name on the back chills my soul. How much of a loser do you have to be to live vicariously through a gump-dicked retard who can't even spell his own name, much less tell you where his $7.1 million signing bonus resides? (Hint: you paid 82 grand for that Escalade EXT, fuckface, and you're overpaying for everything else, too).
Fantasy football leagues? You craven fuck. I'll be at your house doing tequila shots with your old lady while you're at the local sports bar arguing with your buds about the theoretical worth of Plaxico Burress. Get a life. Get a blog, for chrissakes.
Case in point: The Bride has an associate who showed a Jaguar's house in Queen's Harbour yesterday. An $800,000 house (he's only second year). The house was unlived in, immaculate, because this mongoloid lived in the garage! With 12 ashtrays overflowing with cigarette butts, 300 beer cans, a broken bottle of Tanqueray, and the smell of reefer so thick you could cut it with a feather.
I'd like to see the Jaguars move to Memphis, a dogshit town that truly deserves an NFL franchise. Unfortunately, that skidmark has a demographic that will only attend a ballgame/concert/fair/circus if there's a Great White Uncle handing out free passes. People in Memphis won't pay for shit.
Did I tell you I don't like professional sports? I thought so.
The tequila is in the garage freezer.
Posted by: Scott Chaffin at August 19, 2003 9:52 PMYep, you pretty much told us you don't like professional sports ;)
Posted by: Laura at August 19, 2003 10:14 PMThe overblown importance of sports figures is one of the mains symptoms that American civilization is over the hump and headed into the Visigoth thresher faster than you can say "O.J. Simpson."
If you're going to follow a sport, follow one where the competitors risk life and limb for their filthy lucre. Motorsports, mountain-climbing, boxing. That courage is worth emulating. Ballplayers used to be recognized as ingorant whore-hoppers and hopheads. Nothing's changed except now they are worshipped as living deities by millions of people. Parents made sure their children stayed far away from them off the field and owners made sure they were treated like chattel. Those were the good old days. Now we feel it's probably Kobe Bryants due to fuck any 19-year-old up the pooper as he pleases. Agreed Velociman, feh on pro sports.
Posted by: rankin rob at August 20, 2003 12:05 PMI like this post.
But what about college football players? Aren't they getting paid too? Buying prostitutes? Abusing drugs and alcohol? I doubt the bad habits begin at the professional level.
Yup. College has not only gotten almsot as bad as the pros, now the high school players are thugs. Kwame Brown was just arrested up the road on DUI charges, and he's only two years out of high school. And I don't dislike athletics; I love watching a great football or baseball game. I just hate what the profession has become, and the ridiculous control a pro team can have on a town.
Posted by: Kim at August 20, 2003 6:39 PMObviously you don't like to bet on ahtletic contests. That's the only reason pro sports exist. Who the fuck cares whether Winnipeg beat Phoenix except some insomniac gambler?
Of course, we know licker and tobacco aren't good for us but billions are spent on them each year. It's the same with pro sports. Got a satellite? How many of those nifty channels are reserved for sports, usually of the professional type?
Posted by: Jack Straw at August 20, 2003 7:52 PMAlso...
What would every NFL, NBA, NHL, and every other pro sports player who gets paid millions of dollars to accomplish nothing of importance do if every one of their "loyal" fans stopped to think and ask themselves what good does it do me if my team wins? Be it the first game of the season or the last championship game? I'll tell you what they would do. They would all be filing out apps at the local car wash. The people that cry, punch holes in their own homes walls, get into fights and feel all depressed inside when their team loses are pretty stupid to say the least. Hang your head in shame when your team loses and walk tall and proud when they win. After all, your nothing without your team....sigh.....