August 4, 2003
GAG RULES
I admit it. I like Ann Coulter. She can be a brilliant writer when she wants to be, and can write circles around a certain shanty Irish tramp currently employed by The Shades Of Gray Lady.
But Jumping Jesus, do you reckon she could ever chill? Who are the poor bastards spending Croesus' fortune trying to bed her? She ain't that hot. Why would you get in that game? (Oh, yeah. For the same reason you do with any woman. So you can run go tell all your friends).
But the ones who do... I pity them. I don't need that kind of pressure. Constant jabbering and directive, I'm sure. Left! Right! Faster! Slower! Is that all you got, you fucking Stalinist?
No, I'm convinced the only way to deal with Ann would be a Tarantino ball gag. Because I like the way I do it, and if she wasn't careful I'd start whispering the names of Stasi assassination targets in her ear just to ruin her own orgasm.
Now that contraption looked interesting. Wish we could order one for each Liberal politician to use (wear) 24/7.
Posted by: Laura at August 4, 2003 10:36 PMI'mfff werrgng mine nwww.
Posted by: Kim at August 4, 2003 10:54 PMGOTTDAMNIT! Where the HELL were you when we were single?
(No offense to your Bride, honest.)
Posted by: margi at August 4, 2003 11:10 PMHeheh. Ann Coulter. Heheh. Sex. Heheh.
I would chase the hell out of that--I bet she'd be intense as hell in bed. Oh, happy thoughts...
Posted by: zombyboy at August 5, 2003 6:53 AMuh, yeah, right zomby. the whole time you'd be in bed with her, she'd be criticizing your technique and even if you were kinda sorta good, it wouldnt be good enough because the silly bitch could never relax enough to just lay back and enjoy it.
plus, she is so lanky by the time you worked your way down to the goodies, the upper half would have fallen asleep.
Posted by: mr. helpful at August 5, 2003 10:20 AMAs I understand it, the sweet irony here is that she has a history with swarthy, Arab or mediterranean men. Probably some serious white-slave trade role-playing going on there.
Posted by: rankin rob at August 5, 2003 1:09 PMDamn my excessive anglo-ness...
Posted by: zombyboy at August 5, 2003 1:50 PMI don't know, I've been with a few high-strung, nervous types. They're domestic violence court waiting to happen.
Posted by: Jack Straw at August 5, 2003 8:11 PM