It seems the American Academy of Pediatrics wants parents to have their kids' Body Mass Index tested annually to look for signs of obesity. Well, first of all, BMI is bullshit. Body-fat ratios are much more indicative of fat, not weight. All body builders are obese by BMI standards. Kate Moss is pudgy by this ridiculous yardstick. And secondly, stupid tests like this are why my insurance premiums are so high.
Do you want to know if your kids are fat? That's why you were born with thumbs and forefingers. Grab little Trevor or Siobhan around their side meat. If the "C" is filled up with blubber, you have to ask yourself why you're letting your kids bloat up like a Saracen eunuch.
Because I don't see any kids pushing shopping carts around the store, lardering up on Zebra Cakes and Crisco, and swiping their SpongeBob Visas at the check out. I do see a lot of corpulent little peccaries getting pushed around the store in those asinine shopping cart-cum-Playskool forts. And maybe that's part of the problem. Ditch those aisle-hogging pieces of shit. Leave my SUV alone. These are the real behemoths. If your kid can't fit in the bread tray and dangle their legs out they're too damned big to be in the cart in the first place. Now let your kids push the cart for you. Put a few watermelons and 12 gallons of distilled water in the bottom just to give it traction. Make sure at least one wheel is frozen in freewheel mode. Then, if you still like your kids hanging with swine let them rearrange the pink flying pig rides out front instead of riding them. Then give 'em a celery stick, and tell 'em Uncle Velociman was thinking about 'em.
Yeah. What you said.
Posted by: zombyboy at August 4, 2003 6:31 PMOnly thing we are doing is beginning to make children as self-conscious about there body as the models and TV stars has done to women over the course of time. Watch the eating disorders and suicide rates of teens - both sexes go up in the next 5-10 years.
Posted by: Dawn at August 4, 2003 6:56 PMNothing wrong with a little weight on kids. But when parents let them turn into sumo wrestlers that ain't right.
Posted by: Kim at August 4, 2003 7:16 PMWhat Dawn said. Don't I just get a ton of those kids on my unit all the goddamn time!
But, Kim, you're also right in your comment here. Nothing wrong with kids with a little meat on their bones...but not to those proportions.
Posted by: Da Goddess at August 5, 2003 6:49 AMkids parked in front of a tv or a computer for more than an hour is a crime. HOWEVER. before you go making assumptions about why anyone is obese, stop to think.
according to a researcher at wayne state, there are 9 distinct causes for obesity, most of which have not a damned thing to do with diet or exercise or the lack thereof.
in point of fact, there is a human adenovirus 36 which is highly contagious and oh yes, it DOES cause severe obesity. issue: there is no commercial blood test available for this virus and there is no treatment. diet and exercise will NOT work for this condition. the virus must be eradicated. (it causes low lipid levels and low cholesterol levels in its victims). 30% of the test subjects at wayne state who are obese have this virus.
second. there are two forms of excess cortisol (pituitary tumors and adrenal/exogenous tumors) which also cause obesity. again, diet and exercise do nothing. the cure is removing the tumor. while some folks have the classic purple or rose colored racing stripes on their torsos (stretch marks where the skin is breaking down), and thin legs/arms, many do not. there is treatment for this and most doctors don't bother to check for it.
third. lack of sufficient growth hormone will also cause obesity. again, got not a damned thing to do with diet and exercise. it's the result of pituitary damage or a pituitary tumor.
fourth. prolactima tumors also cause weight gain in both men and women. (and cause breast development in men along with milk or fluid flow from the nipples in BOTH men and women).
acromegaly. excess growth hormone.pituitary tumor. treatable. in addition to weight gain, it also distorts bones in the hands, feet and face as well as increasing height.
these are a few. and fluoride and chlorine cause a variety of tumors. i know alot of people who eat properly, who DID exercise, never stopped at a fast food place and yet doubled their body weight or more in the matter of a few months or a year.
........ i realize it's funny. but each of these conditions left untreated can cause major havoc in the human body. see a fat person? tell them to get a full endocrine panel run. don't wait for the doctors to suggest it. and one test may not uncover it because not all tumors pump excess or peter out consistently.
Posted by: cris at August 5, 2003 5:35 PMThanks for the Public Service Announcement, cris. And the one half of one percent of obese kids who suffer from these exotica thank you as well. This still doesn't explain why I lactate when I see pretty women.
Posted by: Kim at August 5, 2003 7:13 PM