Velociworld

And why do they insist on saying "statutory rape" up north?

Dinnertime is noon. Evenings are for supper. After I've eaten, leftover sweet potatoes are placed in tinfoil ; aluminium foil is some kind of newfangled British thing.

And yeah, you can have a coke, but we're fresh out of Pop. Whatever that is. You want a sprite coke, a diet coke, a coke, a dr.pepper coke, or what? Or some tea?

If a southerner asks you if you want tea, he or she means "brewed iced tea with plenty of sugar premixed in".

It is time for me to cut off this computer. I am fixing to get a migraine just from looking at it.

And it's a bag, not a sack. You put potatoes in a sack. You put your groceries in a bag. (At least up North with the rest of the Damn Yankees.)

Invite me to dinner I'm showing up at 1:00 PM. If your food and whiskey are good, I'm staying until 6:00. That's when supper is.

Some of my favorites are the old southern sayings, such as:

"That man is tight as Dick's hatband." (indicating cheapness)

"He was drunk as Hogan's Goat/Cooter Brown." var. "He was kneewalkin'".

"He was on me like a duck on a june bug." (indicative of swift action)

and that classic - "He was grinnin' like a goat eatin' briars."

I was raised on this stuff. Love it!

I hate flip-flops. They hurt that little area between my big toe and the not-so-big toe right next to it.

Nasty fuckin' things.

Now, where's that drink? Oh, yes, there it is...

And them iggernant yankee nabobs ain't ever figured out that it don't rain cats and dogs...

It rains like a cow pissing on a flat rock...

Some equal time for Yankees. My New York City born and bred better half is still confused after 13 years down heah about why we are compelled to "fix" supper. Why? Did someone break it?

On the other hand I've heard it said that here in the South women don't have PMS, they have FTS. Or, Fixing To Start...

Do they say the word "Honky" a lot up North? I do.

I believe it is peculiarly southern, after a large meal, to declare one's self to be "Full as a tick".

I never hear Yankees compare something to "Like throwin' Brer Rabbit in the Brier Patch." And when southerners are dealing with a situation that gets stickier and stickier to we call it a Tar Baby.

how about "Useless as tits on a boar hog." or "crooked as a dog's hind leg"

You can bitch til the cows come home...it won't change a thang.

sliver - Remember the theme song to the old Scooby Doo cartoon? There was a line in it... something about "pretending you've got a sliver." It took me years to figure out what the hell they were talking about.

Here's one I've never heard anywhere other than east Texas: red-bugs (what almost everyone else calls chiggers)

Those little almost micro-scopic black bugs that you get crawling on you in the summer - we call them piss ants up here in North Dakota. On a can of OFF, though, they always call them no-see-ums. I never realized they were the same thing until a few years ago.

I gotta go. I spilled my pop on my right thong, and the sliver in my hand needs to be removed before supper tonight.

Not the same, Julie. No-see-ums (called punkies in some parts of the country) crawl around, as you said. Red-bugs (same in NC, Lynn) imbed in pores and live there for a while, while driving the host crazy itching! Paint the site with fingernail polish and suffocate the little varmints. For real!

Statutory rape - maybe not enough real women (or maybe too many real women) so they have to use statues instead?

Local phrase for kneewalkin is 'wobbly boots' (as in: He's got his wobbly boots on). We also have useless as tits on a bull, scarce as hen's teeth, out of place like a milk bucket under a bull (or pork chop at a kosher wedding).

For TxRascal: When I was in the navy a looong time
back, it was rained like a double cunted cow pissin' on a flat rock.

HOW ABOUT....HAPPY AS A DEAD PIG IN THE SUNSHINE

how about slipperier than two eels fuckin in a bucket of snot.

How about the view from the rear of a well filled pair of Levis "Looks like a couple of bear cubs rasslin' in a sugar sack"

I can fix everything but the break of dawn and a broken heart...

His eyes look like two burnt holes in a blanket (hangover look)

They've got more (insert choice here) than Carter has Liver pills.

That dog won't hunt. (I don't believe you)

...and pigs will fly (I don't believe you)

wats up w/ the friggin yankees sayin you guys or you all????? ya'll is much shorter and easier to say!!!

tighter than a bull's ass at flytime

tighter than a bull's ass at flytime

From Chicago/Family's from Mississippi
"Madder than a bobcat with his tail tied in a knot."
Or how about, "He is as crooked as a bent stick on a winding road."
Yeah, and I teach writing too.
(Searching the web for colloquialisms to help my students write gooder.)

My dad used them all the time when I was grow'n up.

...Useless as balls on the Pope.
...as wrong as two boys fuckin(on the whitehouse lawn)
...hornier than a two peckerd billy goat.
...sweatin like a whore in church.
...fucked up like hoggans goat.
...3 beer piss hard blue vein throbber.
...nipples so hard they could cut glass.
...couldnt find his ass if he had one hand on it and the other one glued to a compass.
...happy as a pig eatin shit.
...drunk as a monkey.
...hung like a horse.

Rip Joe Norris

My English teacher assigned a colloquialism to each student...mine seems to be very difficult to find!! Can you define "since the hog et Grandma" for me, please??

How about "ass over teakettle" where did that come from?

"be on it like a budhist on a twinkie"
now thats fast

busier than a one legged man at a butt kicking contest............holy crap

more screwed up than a womans check book

His mama was on him like white on rice or like flies on shit

the first time I went to the south and heard my sister-in-law talking about her neighbor "bush-hoggin"....i wondered what you feed a bush-hog....(it's a riding lawnmower!)

My friend and I are both from south-western VA stock (Roanoke area), and we trade these from time to time. Some of my favorites:

shining like a diamond in a goat's ass

went to shit and the hogs ate him (usually prefaced with "where's so and so?"

ain't enough room in here to swing a cat

looking for sympathy? you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis

shoulda been shot with shit and killed for stinkin

I feel like I've been shot at and missed and shit at and hit

'bout pissed myself laughin'

I've got a couple of south GA ones for ya:

Crazy as a sprayed roach.

Nervous as a long-tailed tomcat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Grinning like a chessie cat.

Loose as last year's bra.

She's so skinny, she'd have to tease her pants to keep her britches up OR she aint nothin but breath and britches, or teeth and eyeballs

She's as ugly as pootin' in church.

How about, "sex lasted about as long as a fart in a whirlwind"
or, "bout as hard as the times of '29" (the great depression)

or, "cuckleburrs also known as hitch-hikers"

This is my favorite and I heard it in Saint Paul, Minnesota: Our skeeters(mosquitoes) are so big they could stand flat footed and screw turkeys.

I picked this one up in Arkansas but it always got a knowing look from my people in Georgia, too.

"I'm as broke as the ten commandments"

Usage:
Q: Hey man, wanna go fer a coldbeer?
A: Cain't man, I'm broke as the ten commandments!

I picked this one up in Arkansas but it always got a knowing look from my people in Georgia, too.

"I'm as broke as the ten commandments"

Usage:
Q: Hey man, wanna go fer a coldbeer?
A: Cain't man, I'm broke as the ten commandments!

I grew up in West Virginia, and my grandfather had some colorful expressions. Two that come to mind are:

Queerer than a football bat-Meaning is obvious

and

That boy ain't seen the ball since kickoff-referring to an inept person.

I'm trying to fine the origination of "garry". It was used in reference to the porch years ago. Thanks

more worn than a cucumber at a convent

Now for some education for you hicks:

sliver and splinter are interchangeable, look them up some time.

I'll give you blinker only because it's technically correct. Turn signals do blink when they are being used.

I agree that it's a flip-flop, I never heard thong used for those until after learning of thong as underwear and thought it was just weird.

How can all pop, or soda as some say, be coke? Only Coca-Cola is Coke. I don't believe the Coca-Cola company make an Orange Coke and if I asked anyone for a sprite coke they would look at me like I had a third eye and ask me if I wanted a Sprite or a Coke.

I also agree that it's grocery shopping not "food shopping" I don't know where you got that one but it's not from my area.

That meal you eat in the middle of the day is called lunch unless it is the main meal of the day (which it never is around here, except maybe on Thanksgiving) then and only then it is dinner. Here, we eat dinner (the main meal of the day) at supper time.

Statutory rape is when both people are consenting but one of them is too young to legally consent.
Jon: It's called statutory because it is based on a statute (law) not on statues. I hope you were kidding.

TxRascal: "iggernant"? I think you've proven my point that "y'all" need some education.

indigo..."red bugs" are chiggers! Every good southerner knows that!

First of all, usin southernisms doesn't make a person a hick. so shut up.
second, all coke is coke. it just is. don't question it, that's just how it goes.
y'all ever heard the phrase 'colder'n a well digger's behind?'
or 'that dog ain't gonna hunt?'
or 'he's a rank sumbitch?'

I might could, but I ain't fixin to change the broken bobwar... the cows ain't figgered it's broke yet.

A thong is anything that is wedged in between two split body parts (basically, anything that can be called a "crotch.") It's not a Northern thing at all. It's a Californian thing.

What about "dressed out of the ashes"? Anyone ever hear this said about someone really dressed up?

what about:

...busier than a set of jumper cables at a puerto rican picnic?

...he's so horny, the crack of dawn's in jeopardy.

HMMMMM back to the "its rainnin cats and dogs" comment. Neither is correct......Its more like "Its raining pussies outside, I walk out to get some and get hit with a dick!"

Corrections young carpetbagger Scott:

A thong is strip of leather with multiple uses, most notably by fathers for exacting corpora punishment behind the woodshed.

Coca Cola is a company in Atlanta that makes CoCola. Coke is either all other soda pop drinks (Deal with it), or that white powdery stuff y’all’s noses hanker (enjoy it).
If you wait until the evening, you’ll be served supper. If you arrive in the early evening for dinner, you’ll be late because it was served midday. Deal with it

Slivers are them things in textile mills after fiber is drawn or combed

Other Famous Southern expressions not mentioned herein

Trade yourself in on an old yellow dog and I’ll shoot the dog.
Slipperier than a minnow’s d**k
So mad a fly wouldn’t light on him.
That stinks purty (nice aroma).
Pretty as a new set of tires
He’s definitely above average (backhanded compliment or avoidance of insult)
He’s so mean he scares himself
Couldn’t pick up a cold (unsuccessful in bars)
If my dog were that ugly I’d shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards
So dumb his hair hurts
So ugly it would make a Mack truck take a dirt road

OK enough. No need to educate foreigners any longer

I love these. I'm a Northerner - NH, which is the most New Engalnd of the New England states. I've always called them flip-flops, and we go gracery shopping. I didn't know about the coke thing, but I like it. Here's some northern one's I've heard:
You plant corn, you get corn (a kid's like the parent)
You can't get there from here
Hard sayin' not knowin'
Wicked Pissah (usually good, like that party was pissah)
Wicked "insert adjective here"
It's as cold as a witch's tit in January
It's so cold I saw a chicken with a capon(cape on)
That dude's dumb as a box of hair
Deaf as a haddock
Slower than molasses runnin' uphill or molasses in January

couple of my favorites from South Florida...
" like a bag of smashed assholes" -usually when hungover.
"couldn't find his ass with a map"

He's so confused he don't know weather to scratch his watch or wind his ass...
She's dumber than a sack of hammers...
it's colder than polar bear shit...
that was lower than whale shit...
careful I just mopped that floor is slicker than owl shit...
She's as pretty as the north end of a south bound mule...

I don't hear these since moving to Detroit:

- Slickern' snot on a doorknob
- Drunkern' Cootie Brown
- Finern' a frog hair split 4 ways

Usage: How are you? I'm finern' a frog hair split 4 ways.

And my personal favorite: any insult followed by the phrase "bless his/her heart," which excuses the user from any responsibility for putting down another.

Usage: She's dumb as a bag of hammers, bless her heart.

I know I heard this when I lived in the N. Carolina but I can't find a reference for it.

"North of the monkey line" meaning north of the Mason-Dixon line.

If anyone can find a reference to it I would like to have it.
It was also mentioned in a song. A guy broke out of prison to save his sister who was north of the monkey line. I would like to know the name of the song please.

Thank You

Okay, I was born and reared in good old Dixie. Every good southerner knows that "dinner" is ALWAYS the main (big) meal of the day. If you have dinner at noon, your smaller evening meal is "supper". If you have a lighter meal in the middle of the day, you are eating "lunch" and your larger meal in the evening is "dinner". It's been that way since the beginning of time...

I've always used the the generic term "soft drink" to request a carbonated beverage. "What kind of soft drinks do you serve?". Coke is short for Coca Cola, a southern company based in Atlanta. Go to a restaurant that doesn't stock Coca Cola products, and ask for a "Coke" and the server is supposed to tell you they don't serve Coke, they have Pepsi (my personal preference, anyway). Same with "Kleenex". The generic is "facial tissue". Kleenex is a name brand, the same as "Puffs".

my favorites:
"get my shit in one sock" (get everything ready)
"he couldn't find his asshole with two hands and a flashlight"
"so dumb he couldn't pour piss out of boot if the instructions were written on the heel"

I'm from Vermont. It's a state up by Canada.
My dad used to say...
"It's hotter than the hinges of hell!!"
He'd call a dusting of snow late in the spring "poor man's fertilizer."
When he was pissed he'd holler, "Jesus Jumpin' Christ!" or "Jeeeeudas Priest!"
Supper is in the evening. Dinner is around noon.
Its not a lunchbox but a dinner bucket.
When he wanted someone to feed the woodstove he'd say, "Hump the fire."

My dad was from SC and the things that would come out of his mouth.... I thought it was just normal until I left home after hi school. In hindsight, he was friggin hysterical. Colloquialisms were part of his every day speech! He'd say things like : "Blew up like a jacka_s on a 10-acre lot." which means someone lost his temper. "That's when the lightening hit the merry-go-round" meaning a situation had a bad ending. "She didn't have enough sense to come in out of a shower of sh-t". Self explanatory. "He'd rather climb a tree and tell a lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth" referring to a compulsive liar. "Nervous as a 1-eyed cat watching 3 rat holes". Self explanatory. "Shaking like a dog pis_ing pea shells" "So nervous he could thread a needle in a sewing machine while it was moving". "Nervous as cat shi-ting razor blades." "Busier than a racoon in the bushes". "Grinning like a mule eating briars" "Grinning like she doesn't have good sense". "Grinning like a rat eating onions". "Hotter than a June bride in a feather bed". Referring to unpleasant noises/music/sounds "Sounds like somebody beating a baby with a cat" or "Sounds like pigs eating their young" or " Sounds a jacka_s in a tin barn". I can't even remember all of em. I should have written then down when I was young.