Velociworld: LAME CRAP

May 29, 2003

LAME CRAP

My recent posts have seemed, well, pussified. I've been trying to figure it out, and I think it's the style on the new site. The old site was a fucking mess; the style, fonts, and writing looked like the communal chalkboard in a special needs classroom. I should've called it the Short Bus Blog. It even had the puke green background (and I was getting queasy with that in the end).

Nope. The problem is too much gravitas here. I need to pop this puppy's cherry. So I'm going to go find a pic to put up that gives it that homey feel. Like gallstone surgery. I saw that on TLC's The Operation once. They had this fat woman's stomach and gall bladder open, and were pulling out what looked like slimy sapphron Kix out of her belly. Jumping Jesus, that was foul! I paid Cablevision an extra five bucks next month as a bonus. I love America.

Posted by Kim Crawford at May 29, 2003 6:19 PM

Comments

Want something spectacular? Go Google mesenteric cyst. Some damn fine pics up for that one!

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Police: Good evening, are you the host?
Host: No.
Police: We've been getting complaints about this party.
Host: About the drugs?
Police: No.
Host: About the guns, then? Is somebody complaining about the guns?
Police: No, the noise.
Host: Oh, the noise. Well that makes sense because there are no guns
or drugs here. (An enormous explosion is heard in the
background.) Or fireworks. Who's complaining about the noise?
The neighbors?
Police: No, the neighbors fled inland hours ago. Most of the recent
complaints have come from Pittsburgh. Do you think you could
ask the host to quiet things down?
Host: No Problem. (At this point, a Volkswagon bug with primitive
religious symbols drawn on the doors emerges from the living
room and roars down the hall, past the police and onto the
lawn, where it smashes into a tree. Eight guests tumble out
onto the grass, moaning.) See? Things are starting to wind
down.
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